Homeless again

I really don’t like putting my personal life on display, but I am, to show how suddenly even the s o – c a l l e d mighty can fall. For me the holidays sucked. Right around Christmas my partner of 11 years and I split. I won’t bore you with details, just know it’s something I should have seen coming. The signs were all there, I just ignored them. After all the tears and anger passed, it suddenly dawned on me that I was going to have to leave, it was her place not mine. By James Shearer. (533 words)

I guess in hindsight I should have had my own, but then again I’ve never been a great hindsight person, I prefer to move forward. So as a result I will be homeless again. Over the years I have seen many people climb out of homelessness only to be pulled back into it. I’ve seen the mind numbing dread that comes with the realization that they will have to go back into a shelter and work their way back up. I thought I would never have to face that again. Then there are the questions, you? Why? what happened? Truth is, I don’t know, it just did, and that’s the way it is folks, homelessness happens. It isn’t planned or well thought out, it is what it is. I am thinking about how long it will take to overcome this, do I even have the energy? Or the resolve?

I could always take the easy way out; my ex has asked me to stay until I get my own place, but I don’t want pity because I don’t want to be a charity case. My son and daughter could take me in, but they are going through stuff too. The last thing they need is their father hanging around. Besides, I’m still too young to rely on my children, I have connections and I have reached out to them, but I want to earn my way everyone else.

I guess I sound down and I am. I know deep down I will get through this, but when you’re in the thick of it, well, you know. But My drive will keep me going if nothing else, my only fear is my resolve at some point and the drive will pass, and then frustration will kick in. But I will have to keep going.

Will I be able to write and keep my responsibilities with SCN, yes, I was homeless when this all began nearly 19 years ago, there’s no reason I can’t do it again. The light at the end of the tunnel is that the shelter system has changed much since the last time I was out there, so maybe this won’t last long.

I’ve also learned a lesson, no matter how strong your relationship seems, always have a back-up plan. I used to live by that rule, but then I got comfortable. Too comfortable, Thatwon’t happen again. Remember folks, homelessness can happen to any of us, and once you get out of it there is no guarantee it won’t happen again. Stay vigilant and wish me luck.

(Photo: James Shearer in the Spare Change News distribution office.)

James Shearer

James Shearer is a writer and co-founder of Spare Change News.

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