Keytar Bear: A Review of Boston’s Most Famous Musical Ursine

If you can imagine a soothing blend of jojoba oils, Shea butter and WD40 being poured into both ear holes simultaneously, then you are approaching the aural pleasure of Keytar Bear.

From the delicate pitch bend ribbon between two furry bear paws, Keytar Bear weaves a mellifluous blanket to warm the soul. The quintessence of euphoria rushes into every molecule of one’s being. From classics, such as “Beat It” by Michael Jackson, to new pop favorites like “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk, it’s like being cradled by the soft embrace of angels.

Practically speaking, Keytar Bear is a man in a bear suit playing the keytar. The Keytar Bear can usually be found shredding some hot licks in and around MBTA subway stops and has an interminable love for all things Donna Summer-related.

We caught him during ImprovBoston’s January 29 feature of “So That Happened,” a live talk show hosted by local comedian Sam Ike—and featuring SPARE CHANGE NEWS’s own editor-in-chief, Joshua Eaton, as a guest.

Upon walking into the venue, we were immediately met with the sweet, melodious notes of a Roland AX-7. They reverberated in our Eustachian tubes like sound waves made of pure gold. As two friends and I shuffled through the crowd for seats, the glorious mixture of keytar and beat machine were as moist and tender as the best brownies you’ve ever put in your mouth. And what more can be said about Keytar Bear’s looks? Nothing. It’s only icing on the cake that this bear also has musical talent.

Keytar Bear towers above the average bear with access to a musical instrument. His rapid-style tremolo staccatos and legatos flow smoother than dark molasses. The inflections he gives betray a profound understanding of subtlety, the restraint of a genius.

Overall, his performance at ImprovBoston was impeccable—a Boston must-see.

I wonder if I will ever be able to gaze into another human—or bear’s—eyes and not feel cold disappointment when I realize that, no matter how great they may be, they are not Keytar Bear.

Top